Oh, I can't say how pleased I am to read comments and have a some new followers. It's a dispiriting idea to think of my blog floating around in cyber-space with no-one to care for it apart from me. Hooray!!
I'm in a spin today as I try to decide what I can do to help myself through this tough patch I'm experiencing. I can't escape from the numbing anxiety which overtakes me at times throughout every day and twines itself into my dreams at night. I guess one thing is that I don't know what would exactly happen if the cancer returns in terms of actions and any possible further treatment. I know that my prognosis wouldn't be good but I've shied away from a detailed discussion with my consultant because it's all so very very scary. Reaching that place called remission has been as far as I've wanted to travel along this road. I was told by another doctor that it would be 'grim' if it returned. However it has occurred to me that maybe I'd be less haunted if I knew more and assumed less. What does 'grim' exactly mean? Knowledge is power and all that!
Oh but I'd have to be brave to have that conversation - even though I assume the worst should I relapse, hearing the worst from my doctor would be awful. But maybe just maybe I might find some glimmer of comfort from being armed and prepared.
Phew!! Sorry to be so serious. I just didn't bargain for struggling with stuff like this at my age. But who would?? My son asked me today if I could live for another 55 years. I was about to say of course I couldn't but then I realised I COULD actually live another 55 years. I'd be 95 but what the hell? Roll on undignified old age, I'm ready for you - I just hope the kids come to visit me. At least being a threesome, they can share the burden!
Advent, day eleven...
17 hours ago