Hello 2011

Today the kids are back at school and Rog is back at work. Hattie is asleep and the house is peaceful. I've just finished taking down the Christmas decorations and wrapping them up for another year. And this year I'm not putting them away with dread in my heart as to whether I'll be around to unwrap them again next year.

I'm not out of the woods yet as far as my cancer returning is concerned. I'm only two years in remission and I've got to get to five. But somehow, for some reason that doesn't feel as scary as it did. I guess that time does heal, and that the dreadful truly harrowing year following Harriet's birth is fading from the foremost of my memory. I'm living with some distressing, and what I'm scared to think might be permanent, long-term side effect of the chemotherapy - but I'm alive.

I've a hospital check-up appointment next week: always anxiety provoking at the best of times, but I'm looking and feeling well (apart from that pesky sinusitis which often hovers around) and it was gratifying to hear at the New Year party how many people genuinely complimented me as to how healthy I was looking. In fact I have a suspicion that dancing until 3am might have been what sparked off the sinusitis. A far cry from the way I said goodbye to 2008, thank heavens.

And new year's resolutions? Pilates. And writing. Quite a good mix actually, I think.

New Year

So, Happy New Year to all. I hope 2010 is good for you.

We had a lovely time - my cousin and her family were staying with us, and we spent New Year's Eve eating, drinking and watching Jools Holland. By the way, while we're on that point - does anyone know, can anyone categorically and definitively reassure me that Jools Holland's Hootenanny is LIVE!! A terrible rumour was spread in our house on New Year's Eve that it was pre-recorded. No!! Surely not!? Help me feel better about this.

On a more serious note I was going to write something about my New Year resolutions and all that stuff - but instead I think I might just consider the things about 2009 which were good despite the obvious pressures I continue to face, as well as thinking about what I want to achieve or hope to happen in 2010. It's all a bit obvious really and all a bit corny I suppose. But I do think lists can be cathartic and positive - depending on what you do with them of course. So here goes....

2009
1. My family - my kids and my Rog, and my mum, brother and sister and their lovely families
2. Managing to stay in remission
3. Hattie reaching her first birthday and me being there to celebrate it
4. Getting to my 40th birthday
5. The birth of my newest nephew
6. Our much planned and very exhausting camping holiday in France
7. Being around to help Martha through her first term at school
8. Starting this blog
9. Doing my memoir writing course
10. Finishing our lovely loft conversion
11. Getting our woodburner
12. Learning to give Ed his treatment myself
13. Unpacking those Christmas decorations for another year

And for 2010....

1. Continuing to stay in remission
2. To stop catching every bug going - watch that immune system strengthen again!
3. To write regularly - not to forget that book hovering in the back of my mind
4. To get fit and lose weight - to look fantastic for my 41st birthday in May
5. Lovely kittens and a puppy
6. St. Petersburg and Rajasthan - maybe...
7. Another nephew - or maybe my first niece this time, we'll wait and see
8. Summer-time holiday with the kids
9. Finding the perfect A Level teaching post in September
10. My mother meeting someone to share some fun with
11. My sister with another bun in the oven
12. Everyone I love and care for staying well and healthy - please!!
13. Unpacking those decorations for Christmas 2010, being about to celebrate two years in remission

Not too much then!!

I'm quite pleased that New Year's Eve is over - it's a scary time for me as I feel forced to think again about what's been and gone and what might be to come. I'm childishly sad that Christmas is over - as always so quickly, but it's kind of a relief to get back to normal days again. And every day is a step forwards towards a lighter future.