Kate's Blog

Follow me if you will as I try to navigate through the ups and downs of my world.

I'm writing this blog to help me make sense of all that has happened - from my diagnosis with non-Hodgkins lymphoma while pregnant with my third child in May 2008
, through to my reflections on chaotic family life as I try to pick up the pieces of my life again.

The kids are so small, and I'm working hard to keep us all safe and to stay in remission.

Stay with me - it won't be all doom and gloom I promise!

Tuesday, 23 February 2010

To Meditate or not to Meditate

I'm not getting on with the whole meditation thing. I'm missing the point, I know I am - but when the baby only has one sleep a day, and when in that time before getting the kids from school I have to get all the house stuff done (damn, just realised I haven't put the washing on), write something, and rest if possible as I'm still so tired; I find it difficult to spend 45 mins sitting on a chair focusing on my breath.

I'm halfway through doing my course which runs on a Tuesday evening. It cost money - which I don't want to waste, but I'm not sure I'm at the right time in my life to do this. At the moment it just feels like one more thing which is hassling me and which I have to do. Not really the idea. But I kind of feel like it's going to be hard to extricate myself from the group. Aaargh! This is typical of my life at the moment - in a bid to get well, cope with stress, lose weight, get fit etc etc I'm putting pressure on myself which doesn't really help me to relax or feel in control.

I haven't been doing the daily practices - and obviously until I do, I'm not going to get the benefit of them if there is a benefit to be had. But my days pass in a blur and I'm not sure that I'm able to commit to doing them. Bloody hell.

Oh - and the blood results need repeating, but they certainly indicate a low white cell count which obviously still means that I'm going to be prone to more infections for the time being. But, I went to our local fitness centre this morning with Hattie and checked out the creche - a step closer to those boxercise classes!


The Dotterel said...

I've always fancied having a go at meditation, yoga and that kind of thing but life keeps getting in the way.

As for relaxation, I find sheer fatigue seems to do the trick whether you like it or not.


Mummy mania said...

I'm like you... cannot get the meditating thing - can;t get my head to sit still that long! Like the sound of kickboxing though!

diney said...

I think boxercise sounds a better idea as you won't have to practice so much (at all?) in between classes,and also you will be straight into the exercise so no time to think about winding down to meditate.....just my thoughts anyway!

Rebecca S. said...

Just take a few deep breaths a day. In with the positive and out with the negative. Forget about 45 minutes - that's for when you actually have 45 minutes, I'd say. I didn't start yoga until my youngest was six.

diney said...

PS I've tagged you over at mine x

Exmoorjane said...

Hey, meditation shouldn't be a chore. Try mindfulness instead - just whenever you remember, focus on how you are RIGHT NOW. Feel how you're sitting, notice what you're smelling, see what thoughts are going through your head.
Do that often through the day and you'll find you live more in the moment and that's half the benefit.
Autogenic training/therapy is also fab if you don't get on with meditation. YOu take a course and then you have it for life. AMAZING. I can't do 45 mins meditation - very few people can who're living mad crazy busy juggling lives...go easy onyourself!