I'm not getting on with the whole meditation thing. I'm missing the point, I know I am - but when the baby only has one sleep a day, and when in that time before getting the kids from school I have to get all the house stuff done (damn, just realised I haven't put the washing on), write something, and rest if possible as I'm still so tired; I find it difficult to spend 45 mins sitting on a chair focusing on my breath.
I'm halfway through doing my course which runs on a Tuesday evening. It cost money - which I don't want to waste, but I'm not sure I'm at the right time in my life to do this. At the moment it just feels like one more thing which is hassling me and which I have to do. Not really the idea. But I kind of feel like it's going to be hard to extricate myself from the group. Aaargh! This is typical of my life at the moment - in a bid to get well, cope with stress, lose weight, get fit etc etc I'm putting pressure on myself which doesn't really help me to relax or feel in control.
I haven't been doing the daily practices - and obviously until I do, I'm not going to get the benefit of them if there is a benefit to be had. But my days pass in a blur and I'm not sure that I'm able to commit to doing them. Bloody hell.
Oh - and the blood results need repeating, but they certainly indicate a low white cell count which obviously still means that I'm going to be prone to more infections for the time being. But, I went to our local fitness centre this morning with Hattie and checked out the creche - a step closer to those boxercise classes!
Hey, It's Okay
9 hours ago