Hurry Up, Easter....

Being a parent can be such a struggle sometimes! Ed is really pushing the boundaries, really being cheeky. He answers back - and I can't stand the rudeness. I get cross, and ..... yes, I shout. I know I shouldn't but even he admitted that he would try the patience of a saint his afternoon, when I'd lost my temper and he was sorry and I was sorry for shouting. There has to be an easier way. He has such fabulous parts to his personality - and those are the sides I want to nurture.

It doesn't help that I'm finding my work stressful at the moment - and am feeling pulled in too many directions. The patience, tolerance and energy levels are all pretty low by 6pm.

We're off to Scotland in a couple of weeks for Easter. I can't wait. I really feel that we can all do with some sea air, some exercise and some rest. And some reading - I'm not doing enough reading, and I'm doing too much marking and all that stuff.

I'm having a bit of a re-think about what I do next year. Whatever else - I know that life is too short to be spending any part of it as out of sorts and exhausted as I am now. I think I've earned a bit of peace - at least some of the time.

New Plans

I've got a first interview on Friday for Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy training- a career change if I can manage it! - and then another next Friday. If I can get a place, it will start in September, full time in September! But Hattie starts school then, and if I can juggle all the elements of work and family, it will mean good things for the future.

Frankly, I can't see myself still in the classroom, teaching as I approach retirement. Something has to change. And until I win the Booker prize....

P.S. New fitness plan approaching....watch out!

Happy Valentine's Day

Does the day move you? It doesn't really move me..... but Rog did present me with a beautiful heart shaped tea-light holder, which was extremely unexpected to say the least!

And 9 years ago today, I found out that I was pregnant with Ed. And that's got to be good.

I'm lucky.

I'm trying not to moan but...

I feel so exhausted - all the time.

I'm working flat out - it's a busy time of year in the teaching world: lots of pressure to achieve those exam results and hit targets.

And at home, things keep rolling on - the kids need clean uniform, packed lunches, (not to mention attention and love) and I just feel pulled in all directions. Somewhere,in another life I'm wanting to write, read and sleep if at all possible. Maybe even go to the gym once in a while.

I'm working every evening, after the kids are in bed, on marking and preparation before I tidy the kitchen, make the lunches for the next day and fall into bed so tired that I never seem to have enough sleep before the alarm clock goes off at 5.55am. I leave for work at 7.10 in the morning - still dark and cold and horrible.

Things feel a bit joyless I suppose. I suppose it's the time of year, partly at least. But it's other things too. Our financial situation is not great - I can't even comfort myself with retail therapy. And that on-going worry about making ends meet is a bit of a grind. I'm considering trying to find a weekend job, but quite honestly I'm too tired to contemplate it. Rog works full time and late into the night, every night - there's no space and time anywhere, or that's what it feels.

I need to write that novel... I need that fabulous money-making scheme which I can do from home so I don't need to pay for any childcare. Any ideas? (Ha ha!!)

Thank You

Thank you all so much for the wonderful, supportive and oh so generous comments which have come my way since my article was published in The Guardian yesterday.

I am so very touched by everyone's care and concern. xxx

The Guardian piece

So! The piece is in today's Family Guardian

I have to confess to feeling a bit worried about it beforehand, especially about the photograph! But it's not too bad, and generally I'm pleased with the piece. It is just possible that I was one of the first customers to visit our local newsagent this morning!

Thanks so much to everyone for your lovely, supportive comments.

Trying Times

Sometimes my children make me feel so angry. I'm not alone.... am I?

I won't describe the particular incident which triggered my meltdown (not too strong a term for it, I assure you!)last night, apart from mentioning the constant struggle involved in getting a certain son to do as he's told. Not all the time - that would just be unreasonable - but just some of the time. Just some of the time, after a long day at work, I would appreciate a bit of consideration and a bit of peace and quiet. The problem is that when I'm tired, Ed has more energy and determination to resist me than I have energy and determination to deal with him like a perfect parent.

Sometimes our whole household seems full of strife and noise - despite us all loving each other and despite my resolutions to deal with the kids with more calm, more patience and more consistency.

Maybe I'm just too old to be a parent. I wish I'd had them in my twenties. Would that have made a difference?