Kate's Blog

Follow me if you will as I try to navigate through the ups and downs of my world.

I'm writing this blog to help me make sense of all that has happened - from my diagnosis with non-Hodgkins lymphoma while pregnant with my third child in May 2008
, through to my reflections on chaotic family life as I try to pick up the pieces of my life again.

The kids are so small, and I'm working hard to keep us all safe and to stay in remission.

Stay with me - it won't be all doom and gloom I promise!

Thursday, 18 March 2010

I'm Not Seventeen

I really can't believe that I am 40. Nearly 41 actually.

I had one of those moments today sitting in the car waiting for school to finish. Do you know what I mean? When you feel as if you have just been jolted from a dream into reality and you are shocked by what that reality is! I think it was the song which was playing on the radio - I was transported back to being 17, and when Hattie suddenly made a noise in the seat behind me and I came to, I just could not believe that all those years had passed. I could not believe it. I felt like examining the stranger's face in the mirror.

And then I went to get the kids and took them swimming.

But the strangeness has stayed with me. I'm sure there's a lesson there - to appreciate what I have right now. I've had quite a lot of those lessons recently. Otherwise I can see that I'll be 80 (I bloody hope!) and not be able to believe that I'm not 40. But human nature being what it is - or maybe it's just my nature - it seems a tough lesson to learn.

It was such fun being seventeen though.


diney said...

It was great fun being 17! Funnily enough we had a day off today as our daughter is away for 3 days with school and we went back to Whitburn which is where I used to live and we retraced all our steps - our schools, the church where we married etc. and the years rolled back to when I was 17 and just engaged. I felt shocked when I caught my reflection in the vanity mirror and realised my son is 28!!! Same thoughts for us both!

Rebecca S. said...

Something is in the air! Today, when my son and his friend held band practice in our garage, I said to myself, "I used to want to be a rock star. Now I make cookies for one!"

Tracey said...

Kate and Rebecca, you both make me laugh. I feel the same way sometimes. I know a lot of young adults and when I talk to them I forget I am not one of them. I could be their mother!!!!

And Kate, you said you had fun at 17...but did you know it at 17, or did you only realize it in hindsight?

hannah said...

I think about you very often and everything you have been through and are still going through.

Suddenly something will remind me and make me think of you and the last 2 years and it makes my heart stop.

You are bloody amazing and I love you very much.

Anita said...

I love those quiet moments. Makes me go deep within myself. I always come out of the trance feeling that I've learned something else about myself.

Nic said...

Hi Kate!

I wish I still had my 17 year old figure that's for sure! Loving your blog so am passing on to you the Honest Scrap Award. You can visit my blog to collect it and get the instructions for passing it on...Nic :)