This is a thankyou. To Tracey at uno,dos, Tracey for your thoughtful message on my last post. You are right - I do need to 'listen' to what the information I read is telling me. I subsequently read that people who undergo bone marrow transplants can struggle for quite a while with long-term fatigue. Apparently it is a well known side effect.
It has been useful to read all this stuff which I had been putting off. It has reiterated what a tough time I've been through in terms of treatment - and reminded me how amazing it is that I'm still here to write this. I really do need to let myself relax more and remind myself that I'm really not 100% yet although I look as if I am. And that's partly the problem. I feel as if people are saying - you're out of hospital, a year away from your treatment. Why aren't you ok? But maybe they're not, maybe that's what I'm saying to myself. Anyhow - if anyone is saying that, I'd point out that I have had extremely high dose chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant, plus radiotherapy. Not to mention a caesarean and a new baby while that was happening. And all that happened in the past 22 months. Couuld that be why I'm struggling with this overwhelming exhaustion?
It's helped to know all of this and to see it written in black and white. When I was going through it I literally took one step after another and kept my head down. Now perhaps I'm starting to process what happened.
I have decided to try to make early nights a priority for while. It can't hurt can it? Maybe it'll help. And I need some help that's for sure.
Advent, day eleven...
17 hours ago