So, yesterday I did write to my consultant and ask her to be prepared to answer my toughest and most difficult questions regarding my prognosis should my cancer return (see my 'Heavy Stuff' post). I took a deep breath before I wrote that email I can tell you! My next clinic appointment is in a couple of weeks - so either I'll take the cowardly route and decide not to ask, or I'll be brave and I will. I do feel in my heart that I need some answers to prepare myself for the next 6 months but I'm not convinced that I'll have the bottle when it comes to it. In theory I'll be no worse off if I hear with my own ears what I think I already know, but in practice it might feel a little different.
To change the subject entirely - I took my 4 year old daughter dancing this morning. We have a great place near us called Dance City. Martha was doing the 'Rumble' class for 5-6year olds and was feeling very brave as she's young for the class. I'd thought the pre-school class would be too young for her as she's started school (as one of the younger members of her year), but she was a bit wary of my theory! I had to leave her - wasn't allowed to stay - but she was tough too, just like her brother and gave a cool wave. Later I watched through the door as she flew around the room giggling and hula-hooping. A good choice then!
And I had a good time too downstairs in the cafe - ON MY OWN - drinking my cappuccino, reading my book and people-watching. Yup, I'm a world-class people watcher and Dance City is a top spot. Lots of extraordinarily thin women with their hair twisted into elegant pleats, sipping hot water between classes (envious, moi??), and lots and lots of very watchable middle class parents - especially thoughtful and earnest fathers - with broods of small children running around. Ok, Ok I accept - it takes one to know one and all that. But still I had innocent fun observing and surmising until I had to go and fetch my own small child.
The Need for Peace
16 hours ago