Follow me if you will as I try to navigate through the ups and downs of my world.
I'm writing this blog to help me make sense of all that has happened - from my diagnosis with non-Hodgkins lymphoma while pregnant with my third child in May 2008, through to my reflections on chaotic family life as I try to pick up the pieces of my life again.
The kids are so small, and I'm working hard to keep us all safe and to stay in remission.
Stay with me - it won't be all doom and gloom I promise!
Wednesday, 25 November 2009
I don't feel good today. I feel worried and anxious about how I'm feeling physically and overwhelmed at the gulf between how I feel and what I do everyday. Same old, same old - but dropping off the kids today and taking the baby to playgroup just felt wierd. I felt entirely isolated from the other parents in the playground. It's too painful to be with the baby today and realise how little she is and how far I have to go to see her grow up. I'm not even a year in remission and if it comes back I'm pretty much done for. Today I don't feel positive I just feel terrified.
I'm a mother with three kids under eight whose demands, squabbles and general existence take up unimaginable swathes of time. I've also secretly always fancied myself as a bit of a writer - though not with much evidence to show for it - so maybe writing this will prod me in the right direction. We'll see.