Kate's Blog

Follow me if you will as I try to navigate through the ups and downs of my world.

I'm writing this blog to help me make sense of all that has happened - from my diagnosis with non-Hodgkins lymphoma while pregnant with my third child in May 2008
, through to my reflections on chaotic family life as I try to pick up the pieces of my life again.

The kids are so small, and I'm working hard to keep us all safe and to stay in remission.

Stay with me - it won't be all doom and gloom I promise!

Wednesday, 11 November 2009

Writer's Block Already??

I'm starting my writing course tomorrow and I'm feeling a bit scared. Quite apart from trying to decide whether I'm feeling up to going - the doctor says I'm no longer infectious although I'm still feeling far from well. But, I've meant to sign up for these courses for ages and I feel that I would be chickening out - nothing like finding out that you cannot write at all.

And I am feeling quite stuck at the moment - in this blog, in my writing, in everything really. Obviously not being well contributes to this feeling. It's hard to explain but I really think that the past 18 months have affected me in so many ways really - and not feeling well affects me fundementally. I have really been waiting for 18 months to start my life again and I feel as if I keep being thwarted by my blasted health or lack of it. And when I feel unwell I am kind of plunged back to the worst of my frustrations all over again. My writing is becoming very important to me - I don't want to shelve my ambitions in that direction any longer, but this stuck feeling is not a good feeling at all.

Oh - and I've discovered that it's only 6 weeks until Christmas! I feel quite stressed at all I haven't done and have to do and am amazed at how many people in the school playground have completely finished their shopping. Maybe it's just a Northern thing - but I'm a good southern girl at heart and I'm used to not thinking about Christmas until maybe a week before!! But with a burgeoning family, new nephews arriving at least once a year - I think I'm going to have to be more organised, especially as I want to do as much as possible online. Certainly I can't face trawling the shops clueless and hot - I always get so hot when I shop....

I love Christmas though - and it seems very important to make it warm and happy for us all, especially in these first years after my diagnosis when inevitably thoughts turn to Christmases future, and those unbearable unknowns loom large.


f8hasit said...

I bought my first Christmas present yeseterday for my daughter. When she got home from school, I immediately gave it to her. I'm not good at keeping presents, so it's best for me to do them last minute!

Go to your writing class. It may just end up what you need to keep your spirits up. Whats the worst that could happen? You really get writers block? No worries....enjoy!

Menopausal New Mom said...

Oh, I just started my shopping so you aren't alone. I do as much online too, no line ups or parking spaces to worry about. I hope you are feeling well and get out to those writing classes. Journaling and sharing will probably help you and others more than you know.

Be well,

Jen said...

I'm only shopping for my daughter this year. Everyone else is getting a small bag with candy and trinkets, just something to let them know they are appreciated. I can't afford to spend much, but I am looking forward to the decorations and the food.

Mummy mania said...

this is why shoppingon line was invented! you ca get reat ids toys etc on-line now (ELC, woodentoys.com) and Boden are great for clothes for everyone. don;t stress - grab a cuppa and sit down in front of the x factor repeats and get all your shopping down without leaving the house!