Went to the hospital today - a very stressful experience all round. I had a chest x-ray which was clear thank god. The original tumour was in my chest and I have scar tissue there which everyone is especially worried about. I had radiotherapy there after the chemo and the stem cell transplant, but there is always a chance that the tumour could re-grow. If it does I really have no realistic chance of survival. I had to wait for ages for the x-ray results as they lost them on the system - so I was practically catatonic by the time the doctor finally approached with them.
I've also had a blood test to see if I have any evidence of tumour growth in my body elsewhere. Those results I'll get on Wednesday - another trip to the hospital! If they indicate bad things then I'll have a CT scan.
This worry is all intolerable and literally impossible to deal with - I'm still breathing because I am. If it was possible to expire through worry and stress I would have expired today.
Advent, day eleven...
17 hours ago